The maid of honor just puked.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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