i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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