is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
