I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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