last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
