my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
