Your face is a jimmy john
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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