i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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