I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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