i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize