i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
