dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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