This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
