I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
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He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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