we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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