Pregnant stripper...not hot.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
