In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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