at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
