I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
