Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
