I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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