he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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