We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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