Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We need to get me chipped asap
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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