Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
