I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
