how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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