I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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