Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
