I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
