I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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