HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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