he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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