I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow