I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.