How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.