I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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