She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor