I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?