Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
