Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
