Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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