singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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