Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
not ubering you a puppy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
