I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
