Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The air was thick with penises
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
