but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
