Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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