so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He? As in you personified your dick?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
