She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
