Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
