no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize