remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
