He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
