You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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