she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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