It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
