I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
