your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Do vagina's smell?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
