i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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