During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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