He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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